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walnuts dialogs

          Cast List:                                                       
          YFIG                                    30                       
          NUTS 2                                   9                       
          ENDIVE 2                                 7                       
          NUTS 1                                   6                       
          ENDIVE 1                                 3                       
          MATCH                                    1                       
          NUTS 3                                   1                       
          COMTÉ                                    1                       
          SHALLOTS                                 1                       
   1      INT. APARTMENT HONFLEUR - DAY                                    
          Yfig installs on the small coffee table , a bowl resting on      
          a piece of newspaper to collect walnut’s shells and their        
          bursts and a basket half filled with walnuts . Grabbing the      
          remote, he puts the TV on mute, in background if you prefer.     
          Ass in the TV chair, he grabs the first walnut and using a       
          knife with short but strong blade , he begins to disembowel      
          it to remove the delicious creamy kernels. When he               
          positioned the tip of his knife into the walnut slot, he         
          hears an unknown voice saying :                                  
                         1    NUTS 1                                       
                    Hééééééé! Hoooooo! stop, noooooooo!                    
                         2    YFIG                                         
                    (very surprised, shocked!)                             
                    It is you who is speaking?                             
                         3    NUTS 1                                       
                    Ouch! you’re nuts! ? it hurts,                         
                    remove your knife immediately!                         
                         4    YFIG                                         
                    (to himself aside but strong enough                    
                    to be heard by the TV)                                 
                    I have to sleep, I am making a kind                    
                    of nightmare ....                                      
                         5    NUTS 1                                       
                    Ouch ! I tell you, withdraw the                        
                    blade of my ass, you hurt me by god                    
                         6    YFIG                                         
                    An atheist nuts! It does not put an                    
                    uppercase to ’god’!                                    
                         7    NUTS 1                                       
                    Withdraw the blade or I’ll ...                         
                         8    YFIG                                         
                    You’ll make me what?                                   
                         9    NUTS 1                                       
                    I sue you for physical torture!                        
                         10   YFIG                                         
                    But stop a while messing around, a                     
                    walnut is not a being, it is a                         
                    fruit, a walnut does not speak a                       
                    walnut it closes its mouth ...                         
          And presto, with a jerk, he separe both shell portion to         
          reach the heart tender and tasty of walnut. )                    
                         11   NUTS 1                                       
                         (it lets out a piercing cry of                    
                         pain and then shuts up)                           
                         12   YFIG                                         
                    Who’s the boss! ?                                      
          After carefully separate the kernels of walnuts, he grabs a      
          second walnut ...                                                
                         13   NUTS 2                                       
                         ((trembling like a leaf ...))                     
                    Noooooo pity, rip me not, I’m                          
                    young, I have a few good days to                       
                    live ... Pity!                                         
                         14   YFIG                                         
                    But what is this jest ?                                
                         15   NUTS 2                                       
                    I saw what you did to Caroline,                        
                    please do not make me suffer the                       
                    same martyr ...                                        
                         16   YFIG                                         
                    You also going to sue me?                              
                         17   NUTS 2                                       
                    No, I will not do anything, I will                     
                    not anger you, but spare me, rather                    
                    take another walnut, older than me                     
                    who has the right to die with                          
                    dignity ...                                            
                         18   YFIG                                         
                    An old stunted walnut tasting like                     
                    cardboard, that’s what you want me                     
                    to put in my salad?                                    
                         19   NUTS 2                                       
                    Ah! Because you make a salad?                          
                         20   YFIG                                         
                    Yeah, why do you think I break                         
                         21   NUTS 2                                       
                    But what kind of salad?                                
                         22   YFIG                                         
                    A walnut salad.                                        
                         23   NUTS 2                                       
                    There’s only walnuts in your salad?                    
                         24   YFIG                                         
                    Oh no, nuts are only some tasty                        
                    ingredients to make an endives                         
                    salade sweet and slightly bitter.                      
                         25   NUTS 2                                       
                    But .... have You checked that you                     
                    had enough endives ?                                   
                         26   YFIG                                         
                    You think I am stupid ?                                
                         27   NUTS 2                                       
                    No, not at all, but ... I was                          
                    thinking like that, it would be                        
                    beastly to peel nuts if you do not                     
                    succeed to make endive salad, as                       
                    walnuts, once opened, their little                     
                    hearts wither, shrivel, age and end                    
                    up taking a nasty taste like                           
                         28   YFIG                                         
                    Yep! Don’t move, I cast a glance in                    
                    the fridge ...                                         
          Of course, he finds the endive package that he stored there.     
          He grabs it and opens it. He grabbed an endive and passes it     
          under cold water to wash ... when ...                            
                         29   ENDIVE 1                                     
                    Ahhhhh! It’s cold!                                     
                         30   YFIG                                         
                         ((aside ... amazed))                              
                    But ! You realize? A endive that                       
                    talks ! I’m going crazy or what???                     
                         31   ENDIVE 1                                     
                    Please, stop, water’s too cold!                        
                         32   YFIG                                         
                    If this is a joke, it is in very                       
                    bad taste!                                             
                         (He picks a bowl in the                           
                         cupboard, a sharp knife in the                    
                         drawer and begins to cut the                      
                         endive into strips ...)                           
                         33   ENDIVE 1                                     
                         (Pushes a great shrill and                        
                         desperate cry ! He grabs one                      
                         second endive and places it                       
                         under the tap to clean ...)                       
                         34   ENDIVE 2                                     
                    Please, do not make to me what you                     
                    have done to my friend Julie, do                       
                    not cut me like a sausage , I do                       
                    not wanna die , I’m too young ...                      
          Yfig interrupts .                                                
                         35   YFIG                                         
                    Do you intend to replay me the                         
                    walnut trick ?                                         
                         36   ENDIVE 2                                     
                    What is the " walnut trick "?                          
                         37   YFIG                                         
                    Forget it!                                             
                         38   ENDIVE 2                                     
                    Why do you want to slice us?                           
                         39   YFIG                                         
                    To make my salad, by Jove .                            
                         40   ENDIVE 2                                     
                    What is it like salad?                                 
                         41   YFIG                                         
                    Endive salad with walnuts and                          
                         42   ENDIVE 2                                     
                    What is it ’Comté’ ?                                   
                         43   YFIG                                         
                    Well ... French cheese.                                
                         44   ENDIVE 2                                     
                    And you have checked that you have                     
                         45   YFIG                                         
                    Ah ! I catch you in the act of                         
                    plagiarism , you’re making me the                      
                    walnut trick !                                         
                         46   ENDIVE 2                                     
                    And if you do not have a Comté ?                       
                         47   YFIG                                         
                    It’s starting to piss me off !                         
          He opens the fridge , grabs the county, and rips the             
          packaging .... the cheese cries                                  
                         48   COMTÉ                                        
                    NOOOOOO Please, do not behead me ,                     
                    I do not wanna die ...                                 
                         49   YFIG                                         
                         ((surprised, he drops the                         
                         cheese. ))                                        
                    Doggone non god ! What the fuck !                      
                         ((He pinches himself ... ))                       
                    Ouch! But it’s painful, I do not                       
                    sleep , it’s crazy ... yes, that’s                     
                    it, I’m going crazy ...                                
          He throws a quick look around him 360 ř without moving his       
          body ... He is in the kitchen, on the worktop the first bowl     
          of chicory , the second endive is lying down next to the         
          bowl on the other side , cheese he dropped ... and in the        
          lounge, on the coffee table the basket of nuts and a             
          container with two kernels and nuts on the table.                
                         50   YFIG                                         
                         (talking to himself)                              
                    There’s something wrong! But what?                     
          So he sees the photophore on the mantel ... He goes to the       
          fireplace, install a brand new candle and catches the            
          matchbox. He takes a match, but being near to ignite it, the     
          match exclaims ...                                               
                         51   MATCH                                        
                    NOOOOOO, please, do not scratch me,                    
                    I do not want to burn, not already,                    
                    let me live a little ...                               
                         52   YFIG                                         
                    Well, then, enough is enough!                          
          He leave himself fall in the chair, closes his eyes and          
          falls asleep.                                                    
                         53   YFIG                                         
                    How long have I been asleep? ...                       
          Nothing has changed.                                             
          Nuts are ahead him and from far, he sees the endives’            
          package , the bowl and the Comté on the working plan of the      
          kitchen. He grabs the second walnut and a knife ...              
                         54   NUTS 2                                       
                    NOOOOOO pity, do not disembowels                       
                    me, I do not want to die ....                          
                         55   YFIG                                         
                         ((determined not to let                           
                         himself die of hunger ...))                       
                    Sorry, my dear, but it’s you or me!                    
          Crac, he bursts it, she screams, he pulls out the beautiful      
          kernels and grabs the next walnut screaming ...                  
                         56   NUTS 3                                       
                    NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO ...                              
          Crac, crac, crac ...  he guts, he dissects, he beheads, he       
          slices ... he hashes yelling, screaming, sobbing ...             
                         57   YFIG                                         
                    Good! Where are the shallots .....                     
          In the cupboard one can hear shallots sobbing ...                
                         58   SHALLOTS                                     
                    no, no, mercy, pity we do not want                     
                    to die, please, do not peel us ...                     
                         59   YFIG                                         
                         (Totally demotivated, he goes                     
                         to the door)                                      
                    Good! I’m going to eat at the                          
                    restaurant ... there, at least,                        
                    everything is already dead in the                      
                    plate !                                                 

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